I hope you will all offer a bit of grace with this post. I submit to you that poetry is not my calling or gift. So... we won't call this a poem. We'll say this is just a few thoughts lined up together in pretty rows.
My Friend Guilt
For so long, I’ve been trying to stay just one step ahead of you.
Still I feel your hot breath searing my neck, threatening my calm.
You clothe yourself in all my good intentions,
Exploiting all my insecurities.
We’ve been inseparable; I was blind to your identity.
But I know your name, now.
These attacks aren’t a new profession.
You’ve been perfecting them night and day since—forever.
Lesser and greater children than me have faced your ploy.
But at least, now, I know your name.
I arm myself, now, against your maneuvers
By accepting Grace in the face of accusations,
Recognizing the difference between your voice and my own.
You who were once named after the morning star,
I know your name.
Accuser.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Friday, July 8, 2011
Waiting
We never imagined we’d have trouble getting pregnant the fourth time around. We hadn’t had any problems getting pregnant or carrying to term. Three pregnancies and three bright, beautiful children—easy as pie. It’s not surprising that, after my husband and I looked at each other and asked “what’s a little more noise,” we expected life to progress in similar fashion.
Six months later, we were still waiting. Just before Christmas my husband rushed me to the emergency room where we discovered that I was carrying a little surprise. Just not the kind we were expecting.
Renal calculi. Aka kidney stones. Aka pain and suffering. We quickly had them annihilated, thinking we’d soon be on the road to baby-ville. In April, the stick turned blue. Our family hit cloud nine. Our kids began planning for a little brother or sister.
We never expected our fourth pregnancy to end in miscarriage. I suddenly understood the loss friends and loved ones had experienced after miscarrying. I also realized something about myself that isn’t pretty. I am a comfort eater. No tubs of ice cream for me, though, I prefer Reese’s Cups.
Soon, we discovered that my dance with kidney stones wasn’t over. That, in fact, it would never be over. We also learned that women who form kidney stones are more likely to form them during pregnancy. With heavy hearts, my husband and I stepped off the roller coaster of trying to getting pregnant.
Two years have passed since we decided our family wasn’t quite complete. After much prayer and discussion, we have decided to adopt. Of course, we’re only at the very beginning of what will likely be a long process.
I’ve been challenged during this journey, realizing that I am still learning to trust the Father’s will for our family. It’s nasty business to face the idea that you aren’t as trusting of God as you thought. I’ve struggled with accepting His plan. I’ve struggled to find His will. I’ve struggled to allow Him to work it all out. I’ve struggled and, honestly, I’m not sure I’m done yet.
In the end, we are waiting. Waiting to see what God will do.
"While I'm Waiting" by John Waller
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bb7TSGptd3Y
Six months later, we were still waiting. Just before Christmas my husband rushed me to the emergency room where we discovered that I was carrying a little surprise. Just not the kind we were expecting.
Renal calculi. Aka kidney stones. Aka pain and suffering. We quickly had them annihilated, thinking we’d soon be on the road to baby-ville. In April, the stick turned blue. Our family hit cloud nine. Our kids began planning for a little brother or sister.
We never expected our fourth pregnancy to end in miscarriage. I suddenly understood the loss friends and loved ones had experienced after miscarrying. I also realized something about myself that isn’t pretty. I am a comfort eater. No tubs of ice cream for me, though, I prefer Reese’s Cups.
Soon, we discovered that my dance with kidney stones wasn’t over. That, in fact, it would never be over. We also learned that women who form kidney stones are more likely to form them during pregnancy. With heavy hearts, my husband and I stepped off the roller coaster of trying to getting pregnant.
Two years have passed since we decided our family wasn’t quite complete. After much prayer and discussion, we have decided to adopt. Of course, we’re only at the very beginning of what will likely be a long process.
I’ve been challenged during this journey, realizing that I am still learning to trust the Father’s will for our family. It’s nasty business to face the idea that you aren’t as trusting of God as you thought. I’ve struggled with accepting His plan. I’ve struggled to find His will. I’ve struggled to allow Him to work it all out. I’ve struggled and, honestly, I’m not sure I’m done yet.
In the end, we are waiting. Waiting to see what God will do.
"While I'm Waiting" by John Waller
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bb7TSGptd3Y
Monday, June 27, 2011
Chocolate Bonanza Cupcakes
These cupcakes make me feel like breaking into song. The line "a foretaste of glory divine" comes to mind. I won't dishonor the hymn "Blessed Assurance" and it's eternal message by applying it to this cupcake. Instead, I'll say "YUM!" (Thanks to my hubby for coming up with the name for these bad boys: Chocolate Bonaza cupcakes.)
The best part is this: they are cute! And portable!
Well...maybe that is not the best part. They pair chocolate and coffee. And cake and brownie. (And they're easy.)
Here's all you need:
Coffee Elixir Frosting (see November posts).
Betty Crocker cake mix.
Ghiradelli brownie mix.
Self-control. (So you won't eat every last one of them!)
By the way, my friend Karen says that cooking your brownies in a metal pan instead of a glass pan makes them more moister. I haven't tested that yet, but I plan to!
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Perspective
There are a handful of places that I never take my kids. (Not because I frequent establishments that aren't appropraite for kinder but because my patience fails.) The post office is one of those places. The other happens to be the library. I know. I know. Kids need to visit the library. They learn to love reading by roaming the aisles and discovering a gem of a book. (Not to mention that I love to read and write...and scour the library!)
I started refusing to suffer through a library trip out of concern for my sanity. I decided some experiences are not as valuable as a mother’s mental stability. Constantly shushing three young boys, six small hands pulling things off shelves, and the disapproving glances of librarians challenged my patience. (I know not all librarians are stern and stuffy, but we seem to find the few that are.) The result was me saying “no more library!”
A couple years passed since I boycotted the library trips. (Don’t worry. We’ve still been reading. My wonderful husband picks up the books from the library for us.) Then, I offered my boys a deal. If they promised to whisper and skip the behavior that previously drove me to distraction, I would take them to the library.
We went. We read. We brought home a stack of books. We had fun!
The point of this post? Well, it’s meant as a bit of encouragement to moms. First, don’t be afraid to skip out on the places or things that encourage your little people to run like pack animals. I’m not saying withdraw from society. Just recognize the places or activities that are difficult for your child to sit though and avoid them. Second, keep in mind that this is only a passing phase. Before you know it, you’ll be taking your slightly older kiddos to the very places you’ve had to avoid.
The best part is…you’ll be sane enough to enjoy it.
I started refusing to suffer through a library trip out of concern for my sanity. I decided some experiences are not as valuable as a mother’s mental stability. Constantly shushing three young boys, six small hands pulling things off shelves, and the disapproving glances of librarians challenged my patience. (I know not all librarians are stern and stuffy, but we seem to find the few that are.) The result was me saying “no more library!”
A couple years passed since I boycotted the library trips. (Don’t worry. We’ve still been reading. My wonderful husband picks up the books from the library for us.) Then, I offered my boys a deal. If they promised to whisper and skip the behavior that previously drove me to distraction, I would take them to the library.
We went. We read. We brought home a stack of books. We had fun!
The point of this post? Well, it’s meant as a bit of encouragement to moms. First, don’t be afraid to skip out on the places or things that encourage your little people to run like pack animals. I’m not saying withdraw from society. Just recognize the places or activities that are difficult for your child to sit though and avoid them. Second, keep in mind that this is only a passing phase. Before you know it, you’ll be taking your slightly older kiddos to the very places you’ve had to avoid.
The best part is…you’ll be sane enough to enjoy it.
Our library happens to be near a building with a glass elevator.
The reward for nice library behavior:
a ride in the elevator.
Monday, June 6, 2011
"The Final Summit" by Andy Andrews
What I’m Not Reading
Ever start a book and just did not finish it? Maybe you stalled out somewhere in the middle? “The Final Summit” by Andy Andrews is that kind of book. The reader will keep hoping the book will pick up steam but it does not. Although the majority of the book occurs in Heaven, the story falls short of divine.
There are some highlights. For example, Eric Erickson joins the group and tells his story of infiltrating the Nazis to stop Hitler. This appearance is outweighed by the inclusion of characters like Mark Twain and others. When writing a book set in Heaven, the reader expects those in attendance to have clearly stated their faith in Christ. (Unlike Mark Twain who claimed, “[The Bible is] a mass of fables and traditions, mere mythology.”
This book does not feature a strong plot, neither does it stand up as an inspirational or theologically-sound read. Instead, it feels watered down and uneventful. Rather than quitting in the middle of this book, readers will wish they’d skipped it altogether.
Ever start a book and just did not finish it? Maybe you stalled out somewhere in the middle? “The Final Summit” by Andy Andrews is that kind of book. The reader will keep hoping the book will pick up steam but it does not. Although the majority of the book occurs in Heaven, the story falls short of divine.
There are some highlights. For example, Eric Erickson joins the group and tells his story of infiltrating the Nazis to stop Hitler. This appearance is outweighed by the inclusion of characters like Mark Twain and others. When writing a book set in Heaven, the reader expects those in attendance to have clearly stated their faith in Christ. (Unlike Mark Twain who claimed, “[The Bible is] a mass of fables and traditions, mere mythology.”
This book does not feature a strong plot, neither does it stand up as an inspirational or theologically-sound read. Instead, it feels watered down and uneventful. Rather than quitting in the middle of this book, readers will wish they’d skipped it altogether.
Monday, May 23, 2011
Israeli Borders
To All it Does Concern:
The conflict between Israel and Palestine extends past 1967. Not because Israel bullies its Palestinian neighbors, but because Israel has been standing up to the bully. Israel learned that in order to survive she must fight.
Remember that Israel can trace her roots to at least 1200 B.C and occupied her land until being driven out by Rome in 64 B.C. During World War II, the Jewish people were hunted by Hitler and when the war ended in 1945 most Jews were refugees without home and country. Three years later, only three years, Israel was declared a state and a people displaced for far too finally returned home, some of whom still bore the tattooed numbers that had replaced their names in the death camps. Their battle for freedom, however, had only just started.
Israel now faces an enemy equal to, or perhaps even more virulent, than in World War II. Consider the charter by Hamas, the Palestinian Islamic political party governing the Gaza strip. Article Thirteen regarding peaceful solutions to disagreements between Israel and Palestine states: “[Peace] initiatives, the so-called peaceful solutions, and the international conferences to resolve the Palestinian problem, are all contrary to the beliefs of the Islamic Resistance Movement. For renouncing any part of Palestine means renouncing part of the religion.” Article 15 explains that the only solution is Jihad: “When our enemies usurp some Islamic lands, Jihad becomes a duty binding on all Muslims. In order to face the usurpation of Palestine by the Jews, we have no escape from raising the banner of Jihad.”
Palestinians claim that all of Israel belongs to them. The charter goes so far as to urge teachers, youth, and elderly to propagate the message of stealing Israeli land through Jihad. It is no wonder that Israel refuses to attempt to soothe their “neighbors” by surrendering anything. Modern Israel has lived her entire life under the shadow of such insanity.
President Obama desires to accomplish “peace” by placating a beast. One that is hungry to gorge on innocent blood, a beast that scorns the President’s very involvement. Obama’s call to revert to Israel’s 1967 borders is tantamount to silver-plattering historical and holy sites for those who align themselves with Hamas’ hate-mongering . The remaining wall of Solomon’s Temple, also called the Wailing Wall, the Temple Mount, the Via Dolorosa, Golgotha (the hill where Jesus was crucified), and others would fall from safety into the clutches of those who despise the significance of these places. This in spite of Obama’s claim, soon after accepting the Democratic nomination for president in 2008, that Israel must remain undivided.
When a bully has, for over a century, backed you into a corner, slandered your mama, and feasted on the flesh of your innocents, what do you do? Ball up both fists and come out swinging. Israel has no other choice.
Sincerely,
One Who Pulls for the Underdog
Don’t believe me? Research it for yourself.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bWrvPvo8yXc
http://middleeast.about.com/od/palestinepalestinians/a/me080106b_4.htm
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_Israel#Armistice
http://womenofgrace.com/breaking_news/?p=8097
The conflict between Israel and Palestine extends past 1967. Not because Israel bullies its Palestinian neighbors, but because Israel has been standing up to the bully. Israel learned that in order to survive she must fight.
Remember that Israel can trace her roots to at least 1200 B.C and occupied her land until being driven out by Rome in 64 B.C. During World War II, the Jewish people were hunted by Hitler and when the war ended in 1945 most Jews were refugees without home and country. Three years later, only three years, Israel was declared a state and a people displaced for far too finally returned home, some of whom still bore the tattooed numbers that had replaced their names in the death camps. Their battle for freedom, however, had only just started.
Israel now faces an enemy equal to, or perhaps even more virulent, than in World War II. Consider the charter by Hamas, the Palestinian Islamic political party governing the Gaza strip. Article Thirteen regarding peaceful solutions to disagreements between Israel and Palestine states: “[Peace] initiatives, the so-called peaceful solutions, and the international conferences to resolve the Palestinian problem, are all contrary to the beliefs of the Islamic Resistance Movement. For renouncing any part of Palestine means renouncing part of the religion.” Article 15 explains that the only solution is Jihad: “When our enemies usurp some Islamic lands, Jihad becomes a duty binding on all Muslims. In order to face the usurpation of Palestine by the Jews, we have no escape from raising the banner of Jihad.”
Palestinians claim that all of Israel belongs to them. The charter goes so far as to urge teachers, youth, and elderly to propagate the message of stealing Israeli land through Jihad. It is no wonder that Israel refuses to attempt to soothe their “neighbors” by surrendering anything. Modern Israel has lived her entire life under the shadow of such insanity.
President Obama desires to accomplish “peace” by placating a beast. One that is hungry to gorge on innocent blood, a beast that scorns the President’s very involvement. Obama’s call to revert to Israel’s 1967 borders is tantamount to silver-plattering historical and holy sites for those who align themselves with Hamas’ hate-mongering . The remaining wall of Solomon’s Temple, also called the Wailing Wall, the Temple Mount, the Via Dolorosa, Golgotha (the hill where Jesus was crucified), and others would fall from safety into the clutches of those who despise the significance of these places. This in spite of Obama’s claim, soon after accepting the Democratic nomination for president in 2008, that Israel must remain undivided.
When a bully has, for over a century, backed you into a corner, slandered your mama, and feasted on the flesh of your innocents, what do you do? Ball up both fists and come out swinging. Israel has no other choice.
Sincerely,
One Who Pulls for the Underdog
Don’t believe me? Research it for yourself.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bWrvPvo8yXc
http://middleeast.about.com/od/palestinepalestinians/a/me080106b_4.htm
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_Israel#Armistice
http://womenofgrace.com/breaking_news/?p=8097
Monday, May 9, 2011
Intolerance
I like words. I suppose that's not a surpise. Words like wrought and indicative and melee just really float my boat. Here's a word I don't loathe: intolerant. Why? Because it can't mean anything.
Here are the specifics of my least favorite word:
in·tol·er·ant
[in-tol-er-uhnt]
–adjective
1. not tolerating or respecting beliefs, opinions, usages, manners, etc., different from one's own, as in political or religious matters; bigoted.
Intolerant labels people when their views don't line up with popular ideals. (As a Christian, intolerant frequently labels me when my beliefs don't line up with others'.) You'll notice intolerant is a "nicer" way of calling someone a bigot.
Here's where my problem presents itself. When someone accuses another person of being intolerant, the former is actually being intolerant. (Ever gone through a revolving door? Me neither. Hm... oh, I know. Ever seen a hamster on a wheel?) The sickness of going around and around and around in circles is the feeling intolerant evokes.
If you call me intolerant then you are being intolerant because you aren't tolerating my opinions.
Let me try to simplify that. If I'm a bigot then you're a bigot for saying that I am one. That's not just my opinion. That's by definition of the word.
I think I'll get off this hamster wheel, now. I'm feeling queasy from going around in circles.
Here are the specifics of my least favorite word:
in·tol·er·ant
[in-tol-er-uhnt]
–adjective
1. not tolerating or respecting beliefs, opinions, usages, manners, etc., different from one's own, as in political or religious matters; bigoted.
Intolerant labels people when their views don't line up with popular ideals. (As a Christian, intolerant frequently labels me when my beliefs don't line up with others'.) You'll notice intolerant is a "nicer" way of calling someone a bigot.
Here's where my problem presents itself. When someone accuses another person of being intolerant, the former is actually being intolerant. (Ever gone through a revolving door? Me neither. Hm... oh, I know. Ever seen a hamster on a wheel?) The sickness of going around and around and around in circles is the feeling intolerant evokes.
If you call me intolerant then you are being intolerant because you aren't tolerating my opinions.
Let me try to simplify that. If I'm a bigot then you're a bigot for saying that I am one. That's not just my opinion. That's by definition of the word.
I think I'll get off this hamster wheel, now. I'm feeling queasy from going around in circles.
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