That Kid

Know that kid in your group? Whether you’re a children’s or youth minister, Sunday School teacher, Bible study leader, or co-op parent, everyone has had that kid in their class at some point.

 Often that kid  is a boy. A male who just can’t sit still. He wiggles all the time and never follows directions. He’s always too busy cracking jokes or picking fights to listen.

He is your number. one. headache. Yep, you know that kid.

As a parent of that kid, I urge you to show him kindenss. Already reached your limit? Set a new one. That kid deserves it. After all, your treatment of that kid could turn his heart toward or away from God.

Everything is at stake.

Think I’m overselling it?

Maybe, after that kid has once again laughed at all the wrong times and hammed it up for his friends, you really will reach your limit. Then, that kid may go home from your program and in brokeness, as my that kid did, confide, “They’re making me not want to go to church anymore.” Or echo another statement our that kid uttered, “I hate church.”

Truth is, youth and kids’ workers MUST meet each child at the point of the young person’s need.

What to do with that kid? What practical advice is there for the teacher of that kid? First, pray! Ask God to show you the good in that kid. Ask for ideas on how best to reach him. Ask God to make you willing to try new things.

Next, get to know him. Underneath those annoying habits of his is a boy or teen with dreams and interests. Discover what those are! One excellent leaders in our that kid’s life invited him to ride in the front seat with her on a trip. That gave her the chance to find out what was important to him. Next time your group takes a trip, ask that kid to sit in the passenger seat—instead of shooing him to the back of the van.

Another excellent strategy is to give him a special job.  God planted something into the recesses of men—even men-in-the-making—that thrives in having a task to do, a unique purpose. Don’t think of it as rewarding misbehavior. In truth, it is investing in improvement. Our family hunted quite a while to find adults willing to implement this idea. For our that kid, having a purpose, a place to belong and serve, was the turning point in his frustration with attending church.

Remember, God, in His wisdom, created each of us different. Not every boy (or girl) was created with the specifics that cause them to eagerly sit down and shut up. View that kid as a priceless instrument that, when played appropriately, produces beautiful music. (Imagine the foolishness of attempting to pound music from a violin.)

And to all you parents of that kid…

God has a special plan for your that kid. Always be his number one cheerleader, because, often, he will have no others. Don’t let teachers or family convince you that your that kid is a bad kid. Address disrespectful behavior, but encourage the “boyness” that makes that kid who he is.

Lastly, move heaven and earth for your that kid. Do not settle for adults who use church and classroom settings as an excuse to bully your son. There are adults who will show your that kid God’s love, will learn new strategies to teach him. Find them. Even if it means changing churches. Or schools. (Did I mention we decided to homeschool our that kid?) If you can’t find one, be one. Volunteer to teach or to help in his classes.

Then, one day, your son might say what our that kid did just recently, “I think God wants me to be a pastor.”

See? Everything really is at stake.

Wanda Brunstetter's "The Healing Quilt"

The Healing Quilt by Wanda Brunstetter voers the continuing story of an Amish couple, Emma and Lamar, who have relocated to Florida. Once the couple decides to offer a quilting class, Brunstetter attempts to unfold their stories as well.

There are several flaws in this book. One of them is the sheer number of characters. Delving into the lives of seven students and their families, plus a visiting firend and his daughter, proves to be too much ground to cover. The author is unable to develop each character enough for readers to care about their situations.

Included in the book is plenty of Florida sand, citrus, and sun-soaked beachers. Readers will enjoy this troical locale for a time, but not long. Readers love all thing Amish for the simpler life depicted, the traditions—so different, and the sense of community. None of which make an appearance in the book, leaving it devoid of nearly all Amish flavor.

Brunstetter’s dialogue feels stilted and her word choices formal. Some examples are the use expressions like “shall we” and a teenage girl describing an event as being “a merry chase.” As a result, conversations between characters seems forced and fake.

Readers looking for a swiftly moving plot, believable dialogue, and likeable characters will be disappointed if they attempt to slog though Brunstetter’s almost-Amish The Healing Quilt.

 

Shaiton’s Fire Sizzles

Jake Thoene is a masterful storyteller with the ability to weave a plot that snatches the reader in and holds them until the last page flips. Shaiton’s Fire is no different. The book is the tale of a country under attack from terrorism and chronicles the efforts of those who must thwart it. With a combination of suspense and full-throttle excitement, Thoene offers a must-read.

Thrill Rides

Anyone else feel parenting is similar to riding a ninety mile an hour roller coaster where you try to recognize and grab teachable moments before you are onto something else? If so, welcome to our thrill ride!

Up next on our roller coaster journey is Legalism Curve and it can really throw you for a loop. (Too much?) Anyway…

Honestly, our family has a lot of rules. We’re very particular about what we listen to and participate in and watch. Our kids says that we’re over-protective and, of course, they’re right. There is just so much out there to say “no” to. Often, though, we get caught thinking that rules equal Godliness and that is not always the case.

This tendency became painfully important to our family when one of the kiddos told me, “I don’t want to have TOO much God.” I responded quickly that you could never get too much God. As the conversation continued, I realized my son was equating Godliness with legalism. A friend of his is very legalistic and follows –gasp—more rules that we do! In my son’s mind loving God meant following every rule known to man…and then some!  He wanted no part of that.

I began trying to explain my position while sprinkling in liberal amounts of grace. For example, I say to my son that Dad and I have decided that our family will not watch movies that are rated R. Mature videos games are also out. We believe that when you sew violence, immodesty, and vulgarity into your life that is what you reap. However, not all Christians follow this. That is between them and God. We have to answer for our choices. They have to answer for their’s.

I further explained that this room-for-gray method does not apply to all life decisions. In instances where the Bible clearly depicts an action or decision as being sin, Christians must also call those things sin.

We’ve been memorizing James 1:27 for the perspective it gives on who God sees as holy. “Here are the kinds of beliefs that God our Father accepts as pure. When widows and orphans are in trouble, take care of them. And keep yourselves from being polluted by the world.”

Matthew 23 finds Jesus passionately speaking on this same topic. He accuses the religious leaders of slamming heaven’s door in people’s faces with their fake righteousness. Matthew 23:25 says in part, “You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside (you) are full of greed and self-indulgence.” Jesus also likens them to white-painted tombs—pretty on the outside, but full of decay inside.

The concept of legalism can be difficult to distill into child-sized nuggets. Still, we must do it. It is imperative that we teach our children not to heap a religion of do’s and don’t’s on themselves or on others. Perhaps, as parents, the first step is to evaluate our own beliefs and see which are clearly Biblical and which one we have scripted in ourselves.

Remember that extra bulk equals weight. Heavy loads can crush our children and their faith—a nd even their friends’—beneath a load of good intentions. 

Jesus’ words still resonate: “My yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:30)

What Mothers of Boys Want Girls to Know

** I added another one to the bottom! See #7!

Several years ago, I started thinking about the things I thought girls needed to learn. At the time, I had only boys and thought I could offer interesting perspective. Kinda of a “what mothers of boys wish girls knew” manifesto.  Now that I have a little girl as well, we’ve been adding to our list of things we want to teach her as she gets older. Here are the top things that I feel every girl should know.

 

1.       Love Jesus.

2.       Learn to enjoy frivolous things without becoming  someone consumed by frivolity.  (Hair, make up, shoes, clothes, glitz, and glamour are fun to enjoy, but when all-consuming are just another idol.)

3.    Only advertise what is on sale. (For example, I spoke with a young woman who was dressed in a very low cut top. While we were speaking, a man came up to flirt with her. I could tell by her response that his advances were unwelcome. She later implied that she didn’t know why men kept behaving in this way. Unwittingly, she had hung an AVAILABLE sign on herself. Men are very visual—we’ve heard that before.  God made them that way! Just remember to dress in a way that offers the merchandise you actually want to offer. If it ain’t for sale…don’t advertise it!) *Mothers, start this practice while your daughter is a baby! Don’t dress her like a prostitute now and be surprised when she continues the trend as a teen!

4.     Modesty isn’t just for clothes. The most attractive woman is one who has a sweet spirit. Cultivate compassion. Learn to not seek the attention of others.

5.     Shake hands. This one is practical and concrete. Please remember that boys struggle with things, just like girls do. Cut guys a break every now and then. They have enough trouble concentrating when girls are around without you snuggling up to them! Greet your male friends with a hand shake or a high five. Skip the hugs—even if you don’t like them “in that way."

 

6.   Love Jesus. Place yourself under Godly authority. Seek Him with all your heart. (Sure, it's the same as the first, but it is worth repeating!)

7. Be careful who you spend time with. You will carry a part of them with you...forever.

 

 

 

Worth it All: The Lesson I Learned from College Bound Monsters

Spoiler Warning: Due to my being something of a ditz and having a serious case of Mommy Brain, this post may take a circuitous route from point A to point B. Stick with it, though, I promise—it’ll be worth it!

I took my first grader to see Monster’s Inc.  Just the two of us! (We enjoyed getting to spend time together, but we not the movie. It was blah at best and a bore fest at worst. I was expecting it to be, you know, funny like Despicable Me 2. Love those Minions! It was not. It really wasn’t. As in I’ll-never-get-those-two-hours-back kind of not funny.)

Okay, I’m off that sidetrack, but I can’t promise it’ll be the last one. Remember, you were warned!

One good thing did happen in the movie!

The only one, if you ask me.

The Holy Spirit brought a verse to my mind.

Don’t you love how God can use any vehicle to deliver His message?

Here’s the verse:  Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity. (1 Timothy 4:12)

I felt led to apply this verse a bit more , uh, generously.

(Don’t worry , I already spoke with my hubby who won’t stomach  straying from the Word’s original intent and he agreed that what I’m about to tell you is in line with the spirit of what Paul wrote. Of course, I sprung it on him late one evening and he may have just agreed with me so I’d let him sleep.)

Here it is: Paul is writing to Timothy to encourage him. To encourage him, despite his situation, to still be an example of Christ. To still do what God had called him to do in ministry and in everyday life.

Don’t let people look down on you. Even if you are young. Even if you are old. Even if you are carrying around an extra ten pounds. Or one hundred. Don’t let people look down on you when your child has turned from the faith. Or your spouse from your arms.  Don’t let people look down on you as you recover from your own bad choices. Or if you’re struggling to … (fill in the blank!)

You can still be an example for others. You keep clinging to the Lord. Keep living your faith. It’s going to be worth it.

More

Boxes are nice. They’re cube-ish with all those pointy corners. That delightful shade of cardboard brown. They are so sturdy. And just the right size for storing whatever we put inside. Like out of season clothes, clutter, gifts. Or God.

 Sometimes, though, we find ourselves breathlessly at a precipice, toes just off the edge. We attempt to scramble backward toward solid ground while crying out, “Father, if you do not intervene—all is lost!” In this moment, realization screams through our consciousness. We need more. More than cardboard. More than corners. We need more than a fits-in-the-box God.

Perhaps we’re a little afraid of the concept of “more.” What if we find that God is no larger than our box? No greater than our previous encounters with Him? What if He is only “fun-sized”?

 His Word says He is more than we can imagine. History reports this as well. Old Testament to current texts record moves of God that are more than we’ve ever known. Previous generations detail experiences of people who have seen Him perform miracles and even seen the misty Presence the Israelites followed through their wanderings in the desert. Remember the Mercy seat contained in Moses’ tabernacle and God’s visible presence—the Shekinah Glory—that rested there? All of this is because God desires to be known by His people in a measure that they can’t box up. In a measure that won’t neatly fit under the bed.

 I assure you: there is more of God than room inside our boxes. Moreover, we need more of God than that. Our notions of “just enough” are not remotely enough. We need the fullness of His presence.

Join me in asking for God to do more. More than we’ve seen in the past. More than fits in our box. More than makes us feel comfy. Will you join me in praying Habukuk 3:2?

 

“Lord, I have heard of your fame;
    I stand in awe of your deeds, Lord.
Repeat them in our day,
    in our time make them known;
    in wrath remember mercy.”

Lessons from Tornado Alley

I’m from the south. I’m used to humidity and tropical storms. You know, those big monsters that morph into hurricanes? You know days in advance whether they are headed your way. Then, if you are like me, you evacuate and “ride” the storm out some place else where you still have a/c and electricity, but you don’t receive much thunder or lightening.


Years ago, thanks to Uncle Sam, I found myself living in Tornado Alley. (In case you didn’t know, tornadoes come up suddenly with little to no advance warning. “Evacuation” typically includes running to a closet in the middle of your house.) Imagine my feelings when a tornado warning found me huddled in dark closet with an infant in one arm and a toddler on my lap.

Something about being snatched up and pulled into a small space in the middle of a thunderstorm made my toddler lose it. This, of course, sparked tears from my infant. Honestly, I felt like doing the same. Thanks to my habit of storm “fleeing,” I’d never really been through any severe weather.

I started searching my memory for a worship song to sing to calm my frightened boys—and myself—but couldn’t remember a note of any of the choruses we’d just sung at church on Sunday. The only songs I could remember were the oldies I had learned as a child—the same ones I had hated as a teenager because of their “old-fashioned” sound. At that moment, however, I was thrilled to grasp and hold onto the promises the lyrics those older songs held.

The song that calmed two little boys and one quivering mama:

Jesus, Jesus, Jesus

There’s just something about that Name

Master, Savior, Jesus

Like the frangrance after the rain

Jesus, Jesus, Jesus

Let all heaven and earth proclaim

King and kingdoms shall all pass away

But there’s just something about that name

Some ten years later, I still think back to the lesson I learned while cowering in the path of that storm: old is not the same as useless. Worship comes in many sounds. From hymns all the way down to contemporary choruses. The older music, hymns especially, is a part of our church history and younger generations can be taught to appreciate it.

Because you just never know what will comfort you during the storm.


Link to song quoted above: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SULXKJR3AoQ&feature=related
A more recent worship song I enjoy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YbGgA2lIDjc

Floodgates of Heaven

If you recall, in my last entry, Doors and Windows, I explained that our attempt to adopt through foster care had led to a closed door. I expressed my hope that when God closes a door He really does open a window of opportunity.

Just a few short days after writing the entry, God opened a door we were not expecting. More accurately, He threw open the floodgates of heaven.

Here’s the news: Our family will be adding a new member in October. We’re having a baby! He has granted us the desire of our heart and has not withheld the request of our lips!! (Psalms 21:2)

Still waiting on the Lord to bring you to the next point in your journey? One of the things that stick out to me from the Psalms is that God hears our prayers. (Ps 34:15, Ps 10:17, Ps 145:19—just to list a few.) Be confident in this: God hears the prayers of His people. In other words, He hears when we pray, cry, whisper, scream, laugh, or talk to Him. He does not turn a deaf ear to His children.

Keep pursuing Him. May He bring us all into the fullness of His presence.


*All babies are a reason to rejoice, but if you’re wondering at the story surrounding this one, here’s a link to a very brief snapshot of our journey the last couple of years.* http://maranathamama.blogspot.com/2011/07/waiting.html

Doors and Windows

Ever heard the saying, “When God closes a door, He opens a window?” I’m believing that’s true!

One of the biggest struggles I’ve faced since we started discussing adoption is how to know we’re following God’s will. I had to learn to trust that He wouldn’t let us make a mistake. I still haven’t mastered that yet—but I have found He is faithful to keep us from paths that aren’t of His choosing.

Unfortunately, sometimes that also means I am kept from pursuing the paths of my choosing—and while I know that is best in the long run, it still can be hard to accept.

That’s a pretty long and rambling introduction, isn’t it? Well, here’s the short version: since we began our foster to adopt journey, our local agency is no longer looking for foster to adopt homes. They are seeking foster families only. Although a foster situation could eventually lead to an adoption, we decided at the outset that fostering wasn’t an option for our family at this point.

What now? I have no idea. We’re just continuing to trust that God has a plan and that He’s going to point us in the right direction at the right time.

The Accuser

I have a monster that follows me around—and I don’t even have a two-year-old anymore! Guilt is, for me, an ever-present nuisance. My guess is that I’m not the only parent with this problem.

Honestly, I had no concept of guilt before having children. Now I worry every day about…everything! One of my constant guilt-producers is this: Did I spend enough time with my kids today? (Makes perfect sense, right? I mean, I’m a homeschooling mom. I spend every minute with them. I’m here to tell you—guilt doesn’t have to make sense.)

Romans 8:1 says, “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” One definition of “condemned” is to be found guilty. So in other words, “There is no guilt for those who are in Christ Jesus!”

Why not?

Well, Romans 8 goes on to say in verse 2, “Because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.”

We’re free from guilt because, as Christians, we have entered into the law of the Spirit of life and are free—free from the spirit of sin and death and the guilt that law brings with it. Verses three and four explain that guilt is meant to bring unbelievers to the Lord. Since we have already believed in the Lord Jesus Christ, we no longer have need of guilty feelings.

So why do I still battle so much guilt?

The enemy of our souls, Satan, is referred to in Revelation as “the accuser” (Rev. 12:10). If you have—like me—watched too many Law and Order episodes, you know that accuser is the one hurling accusations, blame, and guilt.

Satan loves guilt-tripping us for every little slip-up—real and irrational—we could ever imagine making.

However, Satan is a liar! He is not capable of speaking truth. (John 8:44b: “…There is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for there is no truth in him.”)

That guilt that hovers around you and whispers to you at quiet moments—the voice that says, “I’m not good enough” or “I’m not doing enough” or “I’ll never get it right” or…whatever else—is the Accuser trying to make you crack. He wants you focused on what you’re doing wrong, instead of what God is doing (and wants to do) through you.

What now?

God’s Word is your ally. Memorize a verse or two to wield against the Accuser and when he attacks, speak the truth to him and to yourself.

For example, Ps. 31:4 is a prayer that says, “Free me from the trap that is set for me, for you (God) are my refuge.” I also like to change the verb tense and tell the Accuser a thing or two. Like this, “I am freed from the trap of guilt that you set for me, for God is my refuge!”

May we heed God’s conviction and ignore the Accuser’s guilt!

Thanks from a Softy

I’m a softy. I know my husband would agree, but I think about the reaction my kids had to our World Vision project and I can’t help getting teary-eyed. Thanks to the help of generous friends and loved ones, the boys met their goal...and then some!

To raise the money, the boys manned a cupcake stand during our neighborhood yard sale and sold some of their toys. They went with their Pa to collect and recycle aluminum cans. They helped bake 60 cupcakes, thirty cookies, and a couple truckloads of buttercream! (It’s a dirty job, but somebody’s gotta do it, right?)

As a result, they were able to pour over the World Vision catalog and pick out more things to give! We watched a World Vision video on malaria (did you know malaria kills 2000 children a day?) that tugged on each boys’ heart—mine too! In the end, we raised enough money for 1 goat & 2 chickens, a share of a well, bed nets for a whole family (to prevent said malaria), and two soccer balls for needy kids!

Equally as exciting, the boys are asking to do more to help those in need! Next on our to-do list is Operation Christmas Child!

So often our kids (and ourselves) get caught up in “me” that they forget the great needs of others. Thanks to World Vision’s videos and resources, I was able to show our kids why people can’t just shut their doors and windows to keep mosquitoes out—why they need help from us. Thanks to your generosity, my guys are excited about helping others.

Thank you.

Teach Multiplication Without Losing Your Sanity!

Ever notice how we parents only take credit for the fabulous aspects of our children? (Little Timmy speaks three languages! Yep, he gets that from me!) We aren’t so enthusiastic about claiming the more trying sides of our childrens’ talents. (Little Tessa doesn’t like to sit still. She gets that from…her daddy!)

Well in the interest of transparency, I’m hear to tell you that one of our kiddos has trouble memorizing bald facts and…he gets it from me!

This trait becomes a nightmare when memorizing those pesky multiplication tables. (Can I get an “amen” from anyone else out there who cried over learning those things?) Really, I’ve been dreading teaching my non-memorizer the multiplication tables since we started homeschooling.

Then, I stumbled upon Memorize in Minutes: The Times Tables. (Just typing that name is enough to set off rounds of Handel’s “Hallelujah Chorus” in my head!) Similar to Times Tales, this book uses mnemonic devices (sometimes known as funny stories and rhymey words) to help kids remember the multiplication facts. I found it online for $19.99 and figured it couldn’t hurt to try.

When the book arrived, I discovered everything I needed to teach the multiplication facts inside. I simply read the paragraph-long stories to the two bigger boys (a second grader and a third grader) and showed them the silly illustrations. We tackled two facts a day—skipping the easy facts like the twos and fives. We made copies some of the illustrations to color and to make into a reference book (more on that in a minute.)

The result? Without a single flash card—but with some review of the pictures and stories, without a single tear shed—mine or theirs… They learned the times tables!

Easy. Peasy. Lemon. Squeezy.

And of course you know that division is just multiplication in reverse! So Memorize in Minutes: The Times Tables helped with that too.

For those hard to recall facts (like 9 x 6—why is that one so hard?), we made copies of the flashcards provided in the book, cut them out, and pasted them into a notebook. Anytime a boy runs into a math fact he just cannot remember, he looks it up in the notebook. (I’ve found that encourages him to think a little more and not just ask Mom for the answer.)

I love, love, love Memorize in Minutes: The Times Tables. Personally, I think this is a great tool for homeschools and public schools and private schools and charter schools and magnet schools and—well, I think you get the idea.

Sure, sometimes we still have to review. I also have to sometimes prompt them by saying, “What’s the rhyme?” But we made it through multiplication without any gray hairs.

There goes the “Hallelujah Chorus” again.

Links to research:
For Memorize in Minutes:
www.multiplication.com

For higher level math (I've never used this, but I've heard it's similar to Memorize in Minutes.):
http://lifeoffredmath.com/

Two sweet things: Cupcakes and World Vision

One of the things I love about homeschooling is teaching the practical subjects in addition to academics. In this vein, we are starting a unit study on cooking. After all, a man proficient in cooking is worth far more than rubies. Am I right, ladies? (If you’d like to read the actual verse that I hijacked to suit my own purposes, it’s Proverbs 31:16.)
As a project, the boys are going to sell cupcakes they’ve cooked. The money they raise will purchase items from the World Vision Gift Catalog.

This brings me to another thing I really, really like. World Vision's gift catalog is a great way to involve kids in giving. They can pick various items that, when purchased by your family, go to a need family. This has been really effective for my kids. They like the concrete idea of giving an animal, like chickens, that provides for specific needs instead of just “giving to missions.” Plus, World Vision is a great, trustworthy organization.

The big boys chose one gift each from the catalog. Our ten-year-old picked a share of a deep well. (The well will provide 2,800 gallons of clean water a day to benefit as many as 300 people!) Our eight-year-old selected a goat and two chickens. (The goat provides milk for yogurt and cheese. The chickens provide eggs and more chickens, of course. Any extras can be sold by the family.)

Our goal is to raise $200 (the cost of these particular two gifts) by Thanksgiving. If you’d like to help us, there are a couple of ways to do it. You can contact me about buying cupcakes. (We’ll be selling them one day in October and one day in November.) You can also visit our fundraising website at www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/cupcakes4kids.

Home Study

Our formerly FSU-colored boy’s room has been vacated and now sports light purple walls and sparkly butterflies. The three man-cubs have happily settled back into the routine of being in the same bay. (Sorry, a little terminology left over from our stint in the military.) Definition: Bay (noun)—big, honking space that is good for holding lots of bunk beds. Perfect for a houseful of exuberant boys.

We’ve completed our home study. It was much easier than I imagined. The worker assigned to our case came to our house to point out what we needed. (Like another smoker detector, fire extinguisher, and a small tackle box for locking up our stash of Motrin, Tylenol, and chewable vitamins.) She came back a few weeks later and took photos of our home (interior and exterior) and a host of other things (like the smoke detector and fire extinguisher and tackle box). She never complained or even commented on the slight disarray in the bay. (Please note my sarcasm on the word slight.) Nor did she point out that I’d run out of time to mop the kitchen floor. Plus, she ate the homemade pumpkin bar I offered her. (That’s a true test in my mind. I mean, how many of us would eat food a near-stranger gave you?)

After eight, once weekly, classes and a couple visits from our licensing worker, and filling out enough paper work to make a small elephant’s eyes water, we’re simply waiting for the state to approve our paper work. (Oh, and the health inspector came too—he checked to make sure we don’t have a critter infestation and that our toilets flush…glad to report we passed!) After being approved, we’ll wait (such a fun, glorious word that—note more sarcasm) for a child that meets the criteria we’ve requested. (Each family can specify the age, gender, and needs that will best fit into their home.)

Like I said before, the journey thus far has been far less hassle than I expected. Except for deconstructing the boys’ bunk beds and reassembling them into one room—that was the biggest headache and, of course, backache! Painting the room purple was easy and fun, though, thanks to two amazing ladies who came to help. My hubby glided right through putting together the crib for that room. He’s done it a few times before. (Here’s a side note: the new cribs without drop sides are much easier to put together than the ones we had for our boys. I know that made Hubby happy.)

In all honesty, though, it’s a little strange to have a crib all set up with no baby to lay in it.

So, we find ourselves waiting again. At least now, we’re further down the path.

Types of Adoption

Isn’t life interesting? When I started this blog I expected to journal about the ups and downs of attempting to publish my book. Instead I find myself needing to update you on our adopt journey! Just like the Good Book says—God’s ways are higher than our ways!

I’ve been amazed to find that many people I know are also interested in adoption. This blesses me as the need is so great! I thought I’d share the information we’ve gleaned so far in a brief overview of the types of adoption

Domestic or Private Adoption: This is an adoption that takes place within the States. This type often involves the birth parent choosing whom their child will live with from various applicants. Infants are available for adoption through this avenue. Costs range from an estimated $10,000- $35,000.

Helpful site:
http://www.bethany.org

International Adoption: This is the adoption of a child from a foreign country. The child is usually classified as an “orphan.” Some may come from orphanages and others from a foster family. Most countries require the adopting family to travel to their country at least once. Sometimes, the adopting family must stay in the country for some period of time. The age of children available varies. The gender of children varies. (For example, although China has been known as the country of choice for adopting girls, there is now a waiting list for girls.) Cost also varies by country. Estimates are $20,000-$40,000.

Helpful site:
http://adoption.state.gov/
http://www.allgodschildren.org/

* People often wonder why these these types of adoptions are so expensive. Seems a little like buying a baby, doesn’t it? Actually, the costs add up quickly. There are various filing fees and travel fees and home study fees and legal fees and…more! The costs aren’t fully dictated by the agencies who facilitate the adoption.

* Don’t automatically shy away from these options based on cost. The huge numbers following the dollar sign can be a shock, but there are avenues where families can raise adoption funds, borrow a no-interest adoption loan, receive grants, and tax breaks.

The Steven Curtis Chapman Family has a site with loads of helpful information related to this topic.
http://www.showhope.org/

Adoption from Foster Care: This is the adoption of children who have been removed from their home due to abuse or neglect. These children live with ono-biological families who have been approved by the state to care for children. Adopting an infant from foster care is very, very rare. Although children are taken from their parents as infants if necessary, the goal of the state is to reunite them with their parents. If it becomes evident that this is not in the best interest of the child, the state will terminate the parent’s rights to that child. This process can take years. As a result, getting a baby to adopt is unlikely. Expenses are minimal.

In addition, foster families often adopt the children in their household when the children become adoptable. To adopt a child under eight years old, families will have better chances by becoming a foster to adopt family.

Foster to Adopt: These are families who have completed all the requirements to be foster families, but have requested to only have children who are most likely to become adoptable placed in their home. When and if the rights of the child’s parents are terminated, the foster family usually has the opportunity to adopt the child. Expenses are minimal and are usually related to passing a homestudy. (For example, purchasing a fire extinguisher or crib, etc.)

Foster Care: This is the temporary care of a child who has been removed from their home due to abuse or neglect. It is impossible to say how long a foster child will stay in your home. Foster parents can keep a child just overnight in an emergency or for months or years. There is a huge need for foster families. Expenses are similar to in a Foster to Adopt situation.

Please note that states have a limit of children that can be in the home while fostering. Florida, for example, will only allow 5 children in a home at one time for families who are fostering or fostering to adopt. Also, homeschooling children in foster may not be permitted. Once adopted, families are free to homeschool.

Contact your state’s Department of Children and Family Services for more information on the above.

Another option: Not really in the place to foster or adopt a child? You could sponsor one!

www.worldvision.org

Our experience:
We’re currently looking at a foster to adopt situation. The foster care workers, adoption workers, and case workers have all been helpful and hard working. You’ve probably heard some horror stories about “the system.” We all have. In truth, it isn’t perfect. Still, this can be a good option for many families who want to adopt or just help children who need love and hope.

My advice:
Don’t be afraid to research. Ask around. Send me an email. Contact an adoption agency or the Dept. of Children and Family. There is so much information to digest that you are going to feel overwhelmed. To combat that, devote small chunks of time to your research. Remember that the best way to tackle a huge task is to take it a little at a time!

Most importantly, pray and be open to what God may have for your family!

Thinking about adoption? I’d love to hear from you!

My Friend Guilt

I hope you will all offer a bit of grace with this post. I submit to you that poetry is not my calling or gift. So... we won't call this a poem. We'll say this is just a few thoughts lined up together in pretty rows.

My Friend Guilt

For so long, I’ve been trying to stay just one step ahead of you.
Still I feel your hot breath searing my neck, threatening my calm.
You clothe yourself in all my good intentions,
Exploiting all my insecurities.
We’ve been inseparable; I was blind to your identity.
But I know your name, now.

These attacks aren’t a new profession.
You’ve been perfecting them night and day since—forever.
Lesser and greater children than me have faced your ploy.
But at least, now, I know your name.

I arm myself, now, against your maneuvers
By accepting Grace in the face of accusations,
Recognizing the difference between your voice and my own.
You who were once named after the morning star,
I know your name.

Accuser.

Waiting

We never imagined we’d have trouble getting pregnant the fourth time around. We hadn’t had any problems getting pregnant or carrying to term. Three pregnancies and three bright, beautiful children—easy as pie. It’s not surprising that, after my husband and I looked at each other and asked “what’s a little more noise,” we expected life to progress in similar fashion.

Six months later, we were still waiting. Just before Christmas my husband rushed me to the emergency room where we discovered that I was carrying a little surprise. Just not the kind we were expecting.

Renal calculi. Aka kidney stones. Aka pain and suffering. We quickly had them annihilated, thinking we’d soon be on the road to baby-ville. In April, the stick turned blue. Our family hit cloud nine. Our kids began planning for a little brother or sister.

We never expected our fourth pregnancy to end in miscarriage. I suddenly understood the loss friends and loved ones had experienced after miscarrying. I also realized something about myself that isn’t pretty. I am a comfort eater. No tubs of ice cream for me, though, I prefer Reese’s Cups.

Soon, we discovered that my dance with kidney stones wasn’t over. That, in fact, it would never be over. We also learned that women who form kidney stones are more likely to form them during pregnancy. With heavy hearts, my husband and I stepped off the roller coaster of trying to getting pregnant.

Two years have passed since we decided our family wasn’t quite complete. After much prayer and discussion, we have decided to adopt. Of course, we’re only at the very beginning of what will likely be a long process.

I’ve been challenged during this journey, realizing that I am still learning to trust the Father’s will for our family. It’s nasty business to face the idea that you aren’t as trusting of God as you thought. I’ve struggled with accepting His plan. I’ve struggled to find His will. I’ve struggled to allow Him to work it all out. I’ve struggled and, honestly, I’m not sure I’m done yet.

In the end, we are waiting. Waiting to see what God will do.


"While I'm Waiting" by John Waller
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bb7TSGptd3Y

Chocolate Bonanza Cupcakes

These cupcakes make me feel like breaking into song. The line "a foretaste of glory divine" comes to mind. I won't dishonor the hymn "Blessed Assurance" and it's eternal message by applying it to this cupcake. Instead, I'll say "YUM!" (Thanks to my hubby for coming up with the name for these bad boys: Chocolate Bonaza cupcakes.)

The best part is this: they are cute! And portable!

Well...maybe that is not the best part. They pair chocolate and coffee. And cake and brownie. (And they're easy.)

Here's all you need:
Coffee Elixir Frosting (see November posts).
Betty Crocker cake mix.
Ghiradelli brownie mix.
Self-control. (So you won't eat every last one of them!)

By the way, my friend Karen says that cooking your brownies in a metal pan instead of a glass pan makes them more moister. I haven't tested that yet, but I plan to!

Perspective

There are a handful of places that I never take my kids. (Not because I frequent establishments that aren't appropraite for kinder but because my patience fails.) The post office is one of those places. The other happens to be the library. I know. I know. Kids need to visit the library. They learn to love reading by roaming the aisles and discovering a gem of a book. (Not to mention that I love to read and write...and scour the library!)

I started refusing to suffer through a library trip out of concern for my sanity. I decided some experiences are not as valuable as a mother’s mental stability. Constantly shushing three young boys, six small hands pulling things off shelves, and the disapproving glances of librarians challenged my patience. (I know not all librarians are stern and stuffy, but we seem to find the few that are.) The result was me saying “no more library!”

A couple years passed since I boycotted the library trips. (Don’t worry. We’ve still been reading. My wonderful husband picks up the books from the library for us.) Then, I offered my boys a deal. If they promised to whisper and skip the behavior that previously drove me to distraction, I would take them to the library.

We went. We read. We brought home a stack of books. We had fun!

The point of this post? Well, it’s meant as a bit of encouragement to moms. First, don’t be afraid to skip out on the places or things that encourage your little people to run like pack animals. I’m not saying withdraw from society. Just recognize the places or activities that are difficult for your child to sit though and avoid them. Second, keep in mind that this is only a passing phase. Before you know it, you’ll be taking your slightly older kiddos to the very places you’ve had to avoid.

The best part is…you’ll be sane enough to enjoy it.

Our library happens to be near a building with a glass elevator.

The reward for nice library behavior:

a ride in the elevator.